A city for a canvas

In honor of Father’s Day this year, I’d like to reflect on a few of the things I learned from my Dad…

1) In life, it doesn’t matter what happens to you - it matters how you handle it.

2) Don’t let your pride cause “the One” to slip away.

3) Use a trap to catch a mouse, an eager rat terrier to catch a gopher, a trash can and a piece of fried chicken to catch a ‘possum, and a glass of milk and a slice of buttermilk pie to catch a man.

4) A margarita on the back 9 holes will make your game better, and if you have to, have someone hold your head down to keep your eye on the ball.

5) There are good men in the world. Really, really good men. My dad is one of them.

6) When you lose someone you love, it’s okay to cry. And cry hard.

7) Brand new cars are always bad investments.

8) If you want a taste of real work, try bailing hay in the mid-summer Texas heat.

9) You’re not done shellin’ peas ‘til your fingertips turn black, purple, and/or green (depending on what you’re shellin’).

10) Freedom isn’t free.

11) In the middle of a Texas summer, you can survive without air conditioning. Really, you can. Air conditioning is actually a luxury.

12) Never let your anger get the best of you because if it gets the best of you, all that’s left is the good and better of you.

13) Love is a choice, not a feeling, and there are infinite ways to express it.

14) Forgiveness too is a choice, but there is but one way to express it.

15) The one shot in basketball you should never, ever miss is the free throw. Hello, it’s called “free” for a reason.

16) Giving each other nicknames is a way to say “I love you.” 

17) Bear hugs mean “I need you.”

18) A good driver, pitching wedge and putter are not luxuries - they are necessities.

19) The best talks are had on the back porch over a glass of sweet tea.

20) Sometimes, for the people you love, you have to do things you don’t want to do, i.e. rubbing your daughter’s feet while lying on the couch watching the ball game.

21) If you’re going to get up and go to work every day for the rest of your life, then be good at it. Whether it’s laundry duty at the local hospital (my first job), or breaking your back in a steel mill (dad’s job), or 20 years into a lifelong career, if you’re going to do it, do it well and do it hard. If you aren’t doing this, you are being dishonest.

22) As hard as you work, that’s as hard as you should play. Let the little kid inside get out every chance you get.

23) Never let the people around you forget that you love them. Tell them every, single day.

24) Teach your daughter how to swing a golf club at age 10, how to dance at her 8th grade Valentine’s Day dance at age 13, how to drive a stick-shift at age 16, and at age 18 teach her that she can depend on herself because you’ve spent 18 years preparing her to do just that.

25) Everything tastes better deep fried or cooked in bacon grease and covered in gravy. Unless it’s dessert, then you need lots and lots of butter.

26) Every woman should know how to change her oil and change her tire. Changing spark plugs and break pads are just some other things my dad thought I should know.

27) Do not give your kids everything they want. Give them the means to earn everything they need.

28) When God doesn’t answer your prayer, it doesn’t mean He wasn’t listening. Sometimes you have to tell your children “no.”

29) There’s nothing else in the world that smells like that old wood in the Winfield Junior High basketball court (where he and I both played ball as kids) or like the house my father was raised in (though it burned down about 7 years ago).

30) Create a life that’s worth hanging your hat on, one that allows you to sleep soundly at night, and laugh and smile all day, and relishes the preciousness of each day with the ones you love.

Father’s Day has been a somewhat bittersweet for me this year. There’s a nostalgic sentiment in reflecting on the relationship my father and I have developed over the past 24 years, especially since the last two years we’ve spent hundreds of miles apart. The road we’ve traveled has been marked with laughter and joy, tragedy and tears, but in looking back on all the moments, I know that a lot of the credit for my successes and for the woman I’ve become I owe to my daddy. A girl’s relationship with her father really shapes the heart of a woman and can leave an impression so deep it determines her life perspective.

My daddy taught me a great number of things over the years, all of which have made me all the more wise, conscious, and compassionate. He taught me that love is a choice, not a feeling, and that there are infinite ways to express it. I learned that forgiveness, too, is a choice, but there’s but one way to express it. As painful as it was for years, he taught me the game of golf, and it ultimately has become my favorite past time with him. Also for years I watched him work himself nearly to death in the rolling mill of a steel company. He missed lots of ball games, award ceremonies, debate tournaments and the like, but as an adult I can see that he was only loving me with his hard work. He also patiently poured over physics and calculus homework with me, and shot hoops with me from time to time (he was a tough opponent), and if I begged enough, he rubbed my feet while we watched ballgames on the couch. He also taught me the definition of frugality - the hard way. I learned that air conditioner in a used car during the Texas summer months was actually a luxury and a set of golf clubs is a necessity. I learned from him that it’s not always appropriate to cry, but it’s okay to shed tears at your father’s grave on the anniversary of his death or at your daughter’s baptismal ceremony.  Giving each other little nicknames is a way of saying “I love you,” and bear hugs say “I need you.”

I’ll never forget one evening, not long after I had moved in with him after living with Mom for seven years, he took me out on the back patio and gave me a talk that changed my life entirely. I think I was about 12 years old. The conversation topic will always remain between the two of us, but his words resonated with me so much that no life hardship has kept me from happiness since (and there have been a great many hardships). I truly think he is the wisest person I’ve ever known.

I’ve had my share of heartaches and heartbreaks, but when I look at the man my dad is, I have full confidence that truly good men do exist - that they live to love, and love unconditionally.  Many children don’t have the chance at nurturing a relationship with their fathers, so I know I am blessed. When I think of my father, the only words to express my adoration is “my cup runneth over.” He is wise, patient, kind, understanding, extremely clever, honest and respectful. He is slow to anger and quick to forgive. He has a quiet confidence and a steady, loving hand.  I’d trust him with my life, and I’d certainly give mine for his. Never has a daughter loved her father like I love my daddy. He is my hero.

My favorite movie/song as a wordle. Or see it here.